Best Bus Ride Ever

I lost my badge chasing the bus this morning, so I went home for lunch to pluck it out of the grass where it fell out of my bag. It is a nice day, so I walked through the Plaza to catch the MAX back to work.

This is when the best bus ride ever began.

I got to the stop just as the last bus was leaving. A new bus was coming onto the route, so it was queuing there waiting to leave. I started talking to one of the guys at the stop and he said it was going to take forever, but I asked the driver and he said he was leaving at 12:19. We both got on the bus and sat there for about 10 minutes, so there is already a bit of feeling antsy to get rolling.

About 4 minutes before the bus was scheduled to leave, this lady gets on. She asks the driver if he is leaving at the scheduled time, which she knows by heart. He says yes and she boards. She then asks the driver to direct her to a seat and starts pointing out options all over the bus. "Shall I sit here, or shall I sit here next to the gentleman in gray tie". At this point, we don't know how to react yet, so we're just sorta looking at each other and reacting in disbelief.

After no response, she then inexpicably calls out "if there is a doctor on this bus, please come forward."

A couple of guys tell her she can just sit down right up front. She continues to stand and says "does anyone have a cellphone," to which people ask why. "I need you to make a call for me." Getting little response, she shouts to the whole bus: "Raise your hand if you have a cell phone."

She forgets about that for a bit and starts to sit down, at which point she asks us if we can tell her where to stow her luggage. The guy next to her tells her to just set it on the floor next to her seat. "I don't trust, I don't trust, I don't trust," she says.

Another guy with a phone, growing concerned, asked her about the call. He continued to ask who she needed to call, to which she finally replied with a number. He asked for her name and she wouldn't give it to him. "Why would you ask that, so you can tell them who is calling?" Finally, she says something like "Ms. So-and-so" and he tells them on the phone. The guy tries to explain what is up and he asks her who she is calling for, at which time she says "nevermind" and he apologizes.

The guy then asks her if she knows where she is going. She says stuff like "I don't know this town" and "I'm lost and alone and I need help." Finally, he asked her if she was supposed to be out, at which time she replied that she wasn't and that she snuck out without her guardian or chaperon. She got a kick out of this and kept talking about what would happen if she got caught, what people thought of her sneaking away and how she could find her chaperone again.

When we heard that she was sneaking away, we told the driver and he said that she has been on this bus for the last 3 weeks with the same thing every time. The bus driver then goes into a hilarious escapade about how bus driving isn't easy. "I go home and my wife says 'all you did all day was sit in a bus' -- if she did this for 1 mile, she'd pull over and go jump in a lake."

"I'd like to go jump in a lake," said the crazy lady.

At this point, other people in the bus are saying stuff like "not today, you wouldn't" and then the lady behind me just paused and said "oh, mercy" with a laugh.

At that point, a firetruck was coming through a light and the bus came to an abrupt stop. About every 2 minutes after that, the crazy lady talked about how she hurt herself on that abrupt stop. She was wondering if she should take a pit stop to go see a doctor. At this point, half the bus is chuckling as the crazy lady is bending her arm wildly and making fists. "As long as it bends, there is no cause for concern. As long as I can make a fist, there is no cause for concern."

We also had a stop at 39th where some guy who apparently just hangs out at the stop and stops the bus without wanting to get on it harassed the driver.

At this point, we're telling the driver this is the best bus ride ever. He suggests we could all sing KumByYah, to which the crazy lady excitedly responds "lets do it!" and then sinks when nobody starts singing. We're all laughing and talking with each other by this point and I'm debating whether I can stay on the bus and circle back.

I thank the driver as I exit and he laughs and says "if you enjoyed your ride, tell me, if you didn't, tell others!"

I'm telling you. It was awesome.