Concerts Delivered to You!

In light of my experience at tonight's David Gray show at Uptown Theater, I realize that there is a huge untapped market that I'm about to fill. We know you love the experience, but isn't it a hassle to come out to the theater? Let me bring it to you.

For the same price as a front row seat, I'll make your experience real!

-I will play music loudly so you have to yell at each other over it. I'll bring two friends to sit on each side of you and look annoyed. In the middle of the evening, I'll play the one song you actually know from the artist so you can scream, pay attention for a few minutes, sing the chorus and then go back to yelling! I'll be sure to play music I really enjoy so you can keep me distracted, and I'll pay lots of quiet songs for you to yell inappropriately during. Don't miss your chance to clap along to quiet, thoughtful songs!

-I will stand on the other side of your back yard with a guitar. That way, you can replicate all of those dark blurry photos that you can't make out and you'll never look at again. You can claim the aberration in the photo is anyone you want! You can even turn on your point and shoot flash to try to illuminate me from hundreds of feet away. Just keep shooting, it might work someday! Hold that camera high over your head!

-I will bring a universal phone charger so you never have to stop texting your friends. Be sure to yell over the music to tell each other about your texts!

-I will sell you warm, watered-down Bud Light for as much as you want to pay, then crowd you so you can spill it on me.

-Best of all, I'll give you a high five after two hours and agree with you when you say it was the "best concert ever!"